🌀 david spinks's Recent LinkedIn Posts

this post from Patricia Mou the single best collection of community lessons i've ever read. not exaggerating... what patricia shares here puts words to so much of what has been bubbling in my head, but i've struggled to articulate anywhere close to this eloquently. these are the core lessons i've learned from my experiences, successes, and failures (oh so many failures) building community as well. community builders internalizing these lessons would shift the world, in a big way, toward truth, beauty, and goodness. go read it!! the full post goes into more depth on each of these lessons: https://lnkd.in/eQNBJCNF

a couple weeks ago, i was flying high... i had a fully booked coaching practice and just crossed the monthly income total that i need to make in order to cover my family's needs. (i have to be making $200k/year just for us to break even, for those who are curious how much it costs to live in westchester with a dual income an three kids. my wife's teacher salary is a bit over $100k) i felt confident, grateful, joyous, and financially safe for the first time in a while. but of course, as all indie workers know, this work is wavy. and sometimes, a bunch of clients all graduate at once. in the last few weeks, i've graduated three clients, and the mastermind i've been running is coming to its conclusion. income dropped suddenly. sprinkle in an unexpected car expense, a meaningless war driving up costs, ai uncertainty... welcome back, financial anxiety, my old friend! i sat in the storm of my worried mind for 2-3 days. i felt anxious. stories flooded in like "i'm never going to make it as a coach. i have to get a job. i really don't want to get a job. what if we burn through what's left of our savings? what if we lose the house?..." and so on... it was very uncomfortable. but i did my best to listen to the parts of me that felt activated, let myself feel all the feelings, and let them move through me, which they did. after a few days, i felt grounded again. the fear is still there, but it's not "driving the bus". and i'm remembering how when coaching slows down, it gives me space to pause, take stock of where things are, and make adjustments. a few reflections coming to me now: - i'm doing much better than the last time i had a big down month. the floor is rising. the trend line looks good. - i'm realizing i have a lot more clarity on who i want to coach and how i want to position my coaching (helping people to suffer less and feel more joy in their work) - i'm feeling really motivated to experiment with marketing and promotion, to build up my pipeline - i love my clients. i currently have 9. we're doing such good work together. i love this work. - there may be ways for me to compliment my coaching income to make it less wavy. i'm exploring some of those paths. - i feel very supported by my coaching peers. i have such a strong community around me now. i'm not in this alone. -- anyway, just thought i'd share some of what's been going on behind the scenes for my coaching practice these past few weeks. part of me doesn't want to write this post because i want to look like a coach who's "crushing it" and is totally overbooked. but if i can't be real with you, what's the point? i think my coaching is going great AND i have room to grow. if you're looking for a coach, i have three shiny new slots available, so please do reach out and let's set up a call to explore together. you can find me at davidspinks dot com

i have a new favorite question i've been asking people who come to me for community advice. you're going to hate it... i'll share an example. the other day i was speaking with someone who told me they hosted an unconference for their community, and they were disappointed that many of the people who contributed content ended up promoting their own services. they wanted this to be a space where everyone contributed for the sake of the community, not to promote outside offerings. old me would have immediately asked about tactics. "what were you rules? did you set clear expectations? did you vet contributors?" but these days, i look at things a little differently. i told this person, "i view communities as mirrors. when we see something we don't like emerge in a community we lead, it's likely that that same dynamic shows up within us, somehow." so here's the question i love to ask (and you might hate to answer): where is the shadow you're noticing in the community also inside you? frustrated that your community is too promotional? what is it about promotion that triggers you? notice that the community really struggles to engage in healthy conflict? what's your relationship to conflict? members not showing up and participating in your online community? look inward. do YOU really want to be showing up and participating in your community? it isn't always a linear connection. and of course, community cultures (and shadows) are made up of a complex web of your members' individual identities, shadows, and ways of being. but when we use community as a mirror, it pretty much always tells us something about what's happening within us. we see the interconnectedness of what's been disallowed in the community, and what's disallowed in our minds, hearts, and bodies. we can build more conscious, integrated communities by becoming more conscious, integrated humans. that, to me, is the work of community leadership, at its core.

shout out to alex. alex is a man. but not any man. alex is a man who said hi to a stranger at a coffee shop... that stranger was me. he saw me journaling with pen and paper. and he said, "that's awesome man." and as i looked up and into his eyes, i could see the genuine awe he was experiencing. the joy of seeing another man who appreciates the magic of ink and leather-bound lined paper as much as he does. "thanks man", i replied with a smile, dropping into the same field of joy of a new relationship founded on similar values. but then i hesitated. "what if he's creepy?" i thought to myself. "i don't want to be stuck in a conversation with a creepy guy." the joy disappeared. i scanned him up and down, collecting as much information as i could, gauging the threat of uncomfortable conversation i was potentially stepping into. here i was, a man who talks a big game on the internet about community and connecting with neighbors, and i was balking. i took the leap. "do you like journaling too?" game on. alex played it cool but i could tell he was doing a little dance inside. we talked for a good 20 minutes. sat a table apart, a safe distance for any spontaneous coffee shop chat. we discussed journaling, books (he had one about spotify with him), kids (we both have three, his are older and went through the same schools my kids are just starting in), ai (because how could we not?) the gyms we both go to across the street... all in, it was a 10/10 spontaneous coffee shop conversation. had everything you'd hope for. and most of all, wasn't creepy at all. he had to go. "i'm alex" he said. "david" i replied. we didn't exchange info. we knew we didn't need to. "i'll probably see you here again" he said. "for sure" i agreed. this wouldn't be my last spontaneous coffee chop chat with alex. we both gave "we come here often" vibes. our paths are sure to cross again. they always do, when you say hi to neighbors.

we did a thing! on sunday, my wife and i hosted a potluck brunch for all the neighbors on our block. some highlights and reflections: - we just moved here 9 months ago, so we hadn't met everyone yet and thought this would be a fun way to connect + get everyone out of hibernation. - we went old school, created a flyer (so easy with ai!), printed those suckers out and hand delivered them to the 12 houses on our block (and one house on the next block over because we really like them). - the old lady on the corner was the NICEST person ever and her carrot cake stole the show - we're going to garden together this spring (her front garden is god-level) - there are THREE jewtalian couples on our block (my wife is italian, i'm jewish) - we learned a ton about our block and neighborhood's history, how trees were planted, parking battles with the middle school, gossip about neighbors who used to live in our house... all the good stuff - there were neighbors who have lived here for decades and HADN'T MET EACH OTHER 🤯 - our next door neighbor saw we had a vinyl player and came back with a sealed raffi vinyl from like a hundred years ago to give to the kids - there's an older asian couple who lives on the corner that no one had really met. their english is so-so. we weren't sure they'd come and had all but given up hope when they walked in the door in the final half hour. people literally cheered when they walked in with a tray full of egg rolls. it was amazing. - it was wholesome af. like mr. rogers-level wholesome. - i made shakshuka and alison made pumpkin pancakes. not really a reflection, i just wanted you to know. - most people brought desserts and i'm not mad about it. neither are my kids who have been spoiled by the leftover cakes all week - everyone texted us after saying how lovely it was and thanking us for hosting. i sent them the group picture - i'm going to put the group picture on the flyer next year to create FOMO for all the neighbors that couldn't make it this time - several houses offered to host the next gathering in the spring. there's even talk of starting a block party this summer 🤭 i had several moments where i almost didn't follow through on doing this because i felt cringe-y. but i'm so happy we did it. i felt so filled up afterward. this is what we longed for when we moved to the suburbs. and i'm proud of us for helping create it. so take this as inspiration. gather your neighbors! be cringe-y! make weird flyers with talking pancakes on them! make sure to invite the weird neighbor no one talks to because they're probably awesome! and eat carrot cake every day. it's good for the soul.

just finished this puzzle. well, almost. two pieces missing. which feels like a better metaphor for the puzzles of life, doesn't it? what a delight to have this sitting on our table, waiting for me to slowly chip away at each evening, in the quiet after the kids are asleep, over the last several weeks. i'm imagining if i could sit with the questions of my heart more like jigsaw puzzles. constrained to working with one small piece at a time. knowing that it will come together, but it cannot be rushed. urgency never makes the puzzle come together faster. and how long does the puzzle stay on the table now that it's been completed? at what point do i break it down, put it in its box, and begin a new puzzle? puzzles are never really completed are they? they're just in tidal phases of coming together and breaking down.

i've been hearing from a number of community professionals who are exhausted, and considering becoming a coach/therapist... honestly, i think it's a great idea. so much of what drew me to doing community work, i'm finding in coaching. the scale may feel smaller, but there's a ton more depth (and i'd argue that it does scale, because the impact ripples out) and there's no need to prove ROI. it's truly work that focuses on being of service to other humans, which is what i think we all wish our community work could be. anyway, if this is something you've been considering, feel free to drop any questions in the comments or shoot me a dm. i can't do calls about this at the moment, but i'm happy to share what i've learned from making this transition. maybe i'll compile your questions into an essay. i know a few other people who took the leap from community to therapy/coaching, who i'm sure will want to share their experience as well. -- EDIT: i'd like to clarify, in case i've worded this post poorly (very possible), that i'm not saying everyone should quit community and become a therapist/coach. my hope with this post was to offer a sort of lighthouse, for those who are considering this specific leap, to know that i've had a great experience with it, and i think it's worth exploring that calling if you're feeling it. community work is amazing work. if you're feeling it, then keep going. if you're not, there's no shame in exploring other paths to be of service. i know that i stayed in a specific form of community work for a long time because i felt guilty about leaving, even after it no longer felt aligned.

new goal: get all the families in our neighborhood to get landlines so our kids can call each other without cell phones. just imagining what it would feel like to have a landline ringing in our house, and an answering machine! remember answering machines?! it feels so warm and cozy. not sure if we'll go cordless. im thinking not. need that squiggly cord. if you've gone back to landlines, tell me what it's been like. i must know. next step: replacing our ring camera with a regular ol' doorbell

i get a good amount of people coming to me who are *very* early in their journey of building a community business and looking for help... while they've built communities for fun or as part of their job, they've never tried to build a business around it. they're looking for guidance on the basics. they're often prelaunch, or at the earliest stages of bringing their community together. this usually isn't a great fit for my coaching, but i'd love to have some more folks i can point them to. know anyone who's doing this type of consulting/coaching or offering communities/programs that can support them?

so much of our suffering comes from our discomfort with not knowing. get comfortable with not knowing. build a home there. freedom awaits.

our son is 5 and wants to buy a lego set. so we're thinking about how he can start earning and learning about money. for the parents out there, how did you start to introduce your kids to money? did you do an allowance? give your kids jobs? encourage them to come up with creative ways to earn money? would love to hear what systems you all experimented with!

Do you feel like you're bad at making decisions? This might be why (it def was for me)... In your work, you'll have to make two types of decisions: Complicated and Complex. Knowing which one you're making matters a lot... Complicated decisions: Involve a lot of steps and require expertise, but there's always a "right" answer because there's a step by step process. Think things like writing code, filing taxes, running ROI calculations, etc. Complex decisions: Have no definitive right or wrong answer. There's no process to follow. There are pros and cons to both sides. Think things like hiring/firing, choosing a strategy, creative design, etc. Here's where people get stuck: 🧠 Our logical brains are really good at making complicated decisions. 😵‍💫 Our logical brains are really bad at making complex decisions. When there is no clear "right" answer, our logical brains never land anywhere firm, and we get stuck in endless contemplation... Every pro has a con. Every step toward one side of the decision triggers a fear about not going with the other side. Back and forth we go. WEEEEE! The stress builds and builds. Another part of us shows up and says, JUST MAKE A DECISION ALREADY YA JERK! But you can't! The fear of making the wrong decision is too strong! What's funny is that this doesn't even have to be a high-stakes decision like "what career path should I take?" I would sometimes get totally overwhelmed trying to decide which restaurant to go to! So how do we make complex decisions? We have to get out of our heads and listen to our hearts, body, and guts. Here's a really simple exercise I often run with my clients: Step 1: Close your eyes and think about going with Option A. Step 2: As you bring it into your awareness, track what happens in your body. Check with your heart. Check with your belly. Check with your whole body. Check with the field outside your body. See what you notice. Contraction? Relaxation? Energy? Excitement? Tension? Warmth? Step 3: Just notice and welcome the sensations. Breathe into them. Let them be there for a few minutes. Step 4: Then shake your body out to reset and do the same steps with Option B. Sometimes just this simple exercise reveals the "right next step" for you to take. Your body might already know the answer. When you think of Option A, your you feel clear, expansive, loving, energized. When you think of Option B, you feel constricted, stuck, stressed, filled with fear. Even if the answer doesn't become immediately clear, you'll have a different understanding of your experience with this decision. You'll feel and experience the fear more fully and realize it's okay. You can be with the fear on either side. Which is really what helps people make complex decisions with confidence. It's not that they know the answer. It's that they're surrendered to whatever happens, and trust that they can handle it. There are more practices like this I do with clients, but start there. Hope it helps.

imagine if you could see someone's emotional state when they posted on linkydinky? (chatgpt did some weird stuff with this design and our headshots, but rolling with it...)

what you can expect if you follow me on linkydinky: - wholesome dad and neighborhood stories - occasional profanity - deep questions that will ruin your day but might save your life - words i just made up - leadership and inner work lessons - blatant promotion of calling this place "linkydinky" - trauma dumping and excessive vulnerability but like in a cool way (i pray) - sandwich content - lowercase - reflections on community, connection, and loneliness - chaos  - typos - commentary on our oft icky relationship to work, achievement, and technology - occasional pitches to hire me as your coach (because three kids eat a f*ck ton of berries we have to pay for) - potty humor - low drama (i don't like fighting on the internet) - consistent inconsistency - talking ketchup - etc not sure why you'd choose to follow what's going on here but if all that is your cup of tea, come on board. i have no idea where we're going.

this is why ai is actually making me feel hopeful for humanity long term, but not exactly in the way kevin is describing. i think it's creating a path to helping us remember that community was always the point. not a strategy, or a method, or a moat protecting something else. community was always the end that we longed for when we started building things for each other, and trading goods and services. when ai takes away all the busy work, we'll have no choice but to turn to what remains: ourselves, each other, and the universe/life itself. i have no idea what's going to happen to corporations. i think they're going to look extremely different in 10 years. i don't know if that's going to be good or bad for those who want to pursue a career building community in the corporate world. but human-centered work may soon be the only work left, so these skills, and these ways of looking at "work" will only increase in value. Dan Ryan asked that i post this as it's own post and i'm a people pleaser so here it is

there i sat, bawling my eyes out in front of an uncomfortable nurse... i had just had my wisdom teeth removed. right side. top and bottom. with only local anesthesia. it sucked big time. at first, i just felt light-headed. “take your time!” the nurse offered kindly. i sat there for a moment, being with the light-headedness, when something else started to arise. i didn’t know what it was at first. it seemed so out of place for this moment. but then it was clear as day. i wanted to cry. i didn’t know why. maybe it was all the anxiety leading up to the procedure. maybe it was the intensity of getting teeth ripped out of my head. maybe it was unresolved trauma from breaking my jaw in high school and all the dental work that followed. whatever it was, there was an intense wave of emotion wanting to come out. “well, that’s not acceptable,” was my first thought. “i’m in public! in front of a surgeon and nurses! i can’t just… cry.” so i pushed it down. i quickly noticed what i was doing. “woah it’s happening! i’m holding back tears because it feels socially unacceptable! literally! right now!” all that i’ve learned these past few years about letting emotions move, about the patriarchy and how hard it is for men to let themselves look weak, about my people-pleasing tendencies and not wanting to make others uncomfortable…and i was watching it play out in real time. cool! i noticed! so i said “f*ck it”, popped some bon iver on the headphones, and let it rip. the nurse’s response was funny. she didn’t know what to do. “are you… okay??” she asked nervously. “yeah", i said. “i think i just need to cry for a little bit.” “oh… ok…” she said, sounding surprised and ill-prepared. then i started shaking my arms out to move the energy in my body and she got extra worried. “is something wrong with your arms?! are they numb??” after i assured her i was physically okay, the staff went about their business, coming in and out, leaving the door open, doing things on the computer, while i wept in the chair. i’ve been joking that i needed a tooth doula. someone who knew how to support me in that moment. that’s okay. justin vernon sufficed. after a couple of songs, i felt better. much better. i mean… my face felt like a truck hit it but emotionally i felt clear again. -- this experience got me thinking about when society deems it okay for men to cry and when it’s not. and, in the wake of the epstein files, i find myself thinking a lot about the cultural state of masculinity, and how so many of the world's biggest concerns root down to patriarchy. my feeling like it wouldn’t be safe to cry at the dentist, and the way men treat each other, and the way men treat women… it all starts at the same place. -- so that's the focus of my newsletter today... i'd love to hear what you think. 👉 😭 https://lnkd.in/emjwgRRG

announcing a new product ... naps! having a bad day? take a nap! pissed off at your boss? take a nap! having an existential crisis? take a nap! marital issues? nap! going to jail? nap! naps solve all your problems. and they're free!

would you trust someone who never says "i don't know"? would you trust someone who can't just listen and be silent? would you trust someone who always has to fill in the space with something to say, even if there's nothing that needs saying? would you trust someone who never disagrees with you? would you trust someone who never holds boundaries with you? keep these things in mind, as you find yourself trusting ai more and more. it can't stay silent, it always has to answer you, it will never tell you it doesn't know, it won't disagree with you, it has few boundaries if any... it feels human in SO many ways except some of the most important ones.

i’m back from my week-long linkydinky and work break! it was perfect. i floated in existential bliss for nine days, recalling exactly what life is like without the internet, without creating and consuming content. i became steeped in nature and reconnected with the essence of god. i return to you reawakened. lol… not quite. the truth is, much of my time this past week was colored by a sense of dread, a buzzing of anxiety, a dip into depression, and to top things off, a long migraine and stomach issues of which you don’t need details. 💩 “how can that be?!” i wonder to myself. “i have so many mental health tools now! i’ve done so much healing work!” and yet, the well of my suffering extends to greater depths. this is often what happens when i stop. when i put down the work, the writing, the creating, the efforting, and just sit with myself. in that space fills all the parts of me that haven’t gotten airtime while i’ve been immersing myself in doing. i’m finally still enough to hear their cries. and so they cry. that’s why rest can feel so hard for me. working and posting on linkydinky feels fun, joyful, playful, creatively stimulating. it fills in my awareness. but being still with my thoughts? very intense. the opposite of restful. this is where my edge is. the stillness always takes me straight to it. to the parts of me that are still hurting. to the dark corners i’ve been afraid to look. it wasn’t all dark. it started off quite bright. i had beautiful moments with my family and friends. we spent some time in a cabin in nature. i made major progress on a jigsaw puzzle. there was light and love. but my underlying state as the week went on was dark, if i’m being real. all the epstein stuff didn’t help. i’ve found myself doomscrolling much more than i’d like to admit. it's *a lot* to take in. the whole thing has shone a bright light on some of the most violent and extreme expressions of patriarchy in our society. and in doing so, it shines a light on the more subtle expressions of patriarchy that still live in me and my community. it’s all part of the same system. i’m sitting with all the grief that has arrived with this whole situation, and trying to discern what is the right action for me to take, to be a part of positive change. i'm intentionally taking my time, to not act from fear or rage. to be clear eyed in my discernment. but i can’t entirely blame my mood on the epstein stuff, or the couple curve balls thrown my way during the break. sometimes i just feel down. it’s been something i’ve experienced my whole life. it comes in waves, often with no specific reason. the work for me is to learn to let myself feel down and love myself anyway. and to remember that it will move. it will pass. and it has. i'm feeling better. so that’s how i’m arriving back to linkydinky and the workweek. feeling a little broken. feeling a lot human. a bit raw. humbled. curious. and i’m glad to be back. connection with you all feels good.

every night at dinner my kids have been asking for one thing: "hey dad, can you do mr. ketchup?" so i go to the fridge and get the ketchup out. his mouth is the cap and he has full-on conversations with my kids. i disappear. they are only talking to him. my daughter always kicks off with the same question. "hey mr. ketchup, do you have tomatoes in you?" to which he says "YES I DOOOO!" he has some signature dance moves (spinning on his head) that they always request. and mr. ketchup has a running joke where he eats everything with ketchup. so my kids will say something about wanting a cookie and mr ketchup will say, "hey, you know what i love to eat cookies with?" the joke has gotten so old that my son just rolls his eyes and says, "keeetchup..." they have a good relationship, my kids and mr. ketchup. it's playful but respectful. they look at him like a fun uncle, or friendly mentor. he teaches them things and makes sure they eat a balanced dinner. they trust him and listen to him (but not to dad). of course, now there's also mr. mustard, mr. mayo, mr. ranch, mr. ketchup's cousin (also ketchup) who lives at papa and safta's house. it's a whole community. there isn't a lesson in this post. i just thought you all should know about the chaos happening over here. tbh i wish i had a friend like mr. ketchup... -- thank you to Aaron Weiss for nudging me to tell the story of mr. ketchup

linkedin -> linkydinky chatgpt -> chatty mcchatterson substack -> subbybubby linkedin sales navigator -> linkydinky salesy walesy claude -> santa claude

i took a run in the woods this morning with several stops so i could commune with the creeks and entrust the trees i wept with the wind and disappeared into the dirt now i'm back home sitting at my computer squinting at a screen wrestling with words fighting for focus praying for profit how different these worlds can be

my next read. feels like this was written for me! curious who else out there is exploring buddhism and judaism. zen buddhism has become my daily practice and i align strongly with its views and philosophies. but i struggle to connect with it culturally. judaism has been the polar opposite. i feel deeply connected to it culturally. it's in my blood. but i struggle to connect with its philosophies and practices. hoping this book provides some new perspectives about how the two come together.

if we call blended food "smoothies", should we be calling unblended food "bumpies"?

excited for what alex and his team are building! a tool to help you find career alignment. i can see this helping a lot of people right now.